


The devil knows the detail!

by Arielen



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Angel/Demon Relationship, Best Friends, Characters React to Fandom, Characters Reading Fanfiction, Epic Friendship, Friendship/Love, M/M, Other, True Love, readin
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-11-02
Updated: 2019-11-02
Packaged: 2021-01-18 17:08:51
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,356
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/21280259
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Arielen/pseuds/Arielen
Summary: It's terrible, it's unbelievable what Crowley shows Aziraphale on the internet right now. The angel is stunned, horrified and does not know how to handle it. As much as he likes people ... sometimes the free will of mortals produces strange Ideas, especially their ideas concerning both of them and their love for one another!
Relationships: Aziraphale & Crowley (Good Omens), Aziraphale/Crowley (Good Omens)
Comments: 1
Kudos: 13





	The devil knows the detail!

**Author's Note:**

> Annotation:
> 
> Imagine if Aziraphale and Crowley actually got hold of all the fanfictions that have been written about them since the TV series ... or at least a glimpse of it.
> 
> Is it really fair to reduce an interesting relationship to "the one", really just portray it as one of any couple jumping to bed on any occasion?
> 
> Neil Gaiman says: "Of course, the two love each other. BUT they are not human! "- and this is exactly what I have incorporated in this story.
> 
> I hope you enjoy this little satirical one-shot, which takes some recent outrage.
> 
> My original is in German and for the first time, I have used the translator from google and looked over it, so that I hope, that the story is readable enough.

"That's really devilish!"

Aziraphale gasped. He looked like a teapot just before the blast, with his crimson head and wide-open eyes that nearly spilled out of the caves. "As Gabriel put it so nicely back then, to scare people out of my shop. Pornography! PORNOGRAPHY!"

He looked at Crowley, who had been watching him calmly, almost amused all the time.

"Tell me, just tell me which of your comrades is behind it? Who in hell whispered this to those who vilify us to spread these lies about us? For over six thousand years, they have not said a word about us because we've kept our heads down nicely and now that! This is how people see us and this image is guaranteed to feed their heads! "

He could not calm down and pushed the laptop away with trembling hands.

The snake-eyed demon chuckled. "Unfortunately, that's the price of fame. Maybe a few years ago we should not have told our story to the two scribblers after we so finely averted the Apocalypse. Well, I have to admit that Pratchett and Gaiman have portrayed us and our millennia-old friendship very nicely, and the filming was fine too ... "

"Yes, yes, I was happy with that too, they set a wonderful memorial for us. But, but why has this been so terribly perverted? Who is behind it? I can not imagine Gabriel or any of the others from the sky descending to that level to harm us. This is certainly not part of the divine plan. "

"Well, apart from killing human children, when it serves the purpose, or killing off all too clever people who might come to grips with the skies and their little machinations."  
Crowley shrugged.  
"Honestly, I do not know anybody from hell who would spill something like that, even the worst of the lust demons do not have such a fancy fantasy, they see the whole bodily fuss pragmatic."

"But who, then, who can have only whispered these absurd ideas to the human children, these terrible stories in which we have nothing better to do than to attack each other like persevering ramblers and to mate in all possible positions? And maybe even start getting pregnant …"

Aziraphale swallowed and shook his head in horror. The red of his complexion darkened a little.

"Yeah right ... I certainly do not consider as an incubator for such a squeaking little worm. The human women may regard this as their greatest happiness, after you have so eloquently blessed them out of heaven, because Eve committed the evil, wicked fall of sin, but I am neither a female, nor a hormone-driven mortal."

Crowley giggled slightly hysterical.

"And then imagine … all of this after six thousand years, in which we did not even think about thinking of anything like that!" He made a dismissive gesture. "To be influenced by non-existent hormones and then even stranger body fluids ..."

"Crowley!" Aziraphale interrupted hastily. He seemed to disgust even the thought of saliva and semen, as one looked at his face. "You're not of much help, because that does not answer my question. And I cannot find an answer for myself! "

"I can only guess what haunts the people who spill something like that ..." The demon looked thoughtfully. "What has fascinated us so mortally all these years? That was first and foremost the freedom of their will, with which they had already done so much harm, so that we guys from hell just had to collect their souls when they had breathed out their earthly existence. "

"Yes, I know, and then there is also their exuberant human imagination with which they have created incredible beautiful works in image and word," enthused the angel. "That's why their books are so important to me."

Crowley leaned forward and winked stealthily.

"Well, what you've just seen is unfortunately the other side of the coin. Unfortunately, not everyone has this powerful and multi-layered imagination that appeals to them, not everyone is a philosopher."

He grinned crookedly.

"See it this way, most of the mortals just do not manage to look beyond their earthly existence and physical desires to see the profound in all its facets. Instead, they content themselves with platitudes and superficialities, or close themselves and their wishes to others.  
That is how it is, when these hormone-controlled females start captivating in their desires. They write down their wet dreams for the others and then go into verbal orgasms, because in reality they will probably never experience this or be brought to the bottom of the facts.  
Normally they can do what they want with it, but it's strange that they have so little imagination again, that we have to serve them. "

"But ... but ... they bring us into disrepute!" Aziraphale rubbed his face. "What should heaven and hell think of us?"

"That's what they think of us all the time anyway. You and I were always a thorn in the side of them, because we have discarded our cadaver obedience. And who knows if they will even believe the mortal ramblings … " Crowley tried to cheer up Aziraphale.

After a moment he continued talking. "By the way, I've researched a bit further, there are also some people who do not see it the way these poor girls do and express themselves accordingly.  
But they also think that in a few weeks and months no one crows for these stories, namely, when these miserable scribblers have found a few new victims.  
The stories remain oh yes … but at some point they are of interest any more. And right now it's just a small group of readers who are really drooling and orgasming in these stories. "

"I do not know!" Aziraphale was not at all convinced, so that Crowley closed the laptop.

"Just wait! After all, we have already survived many other pamphlets from earlier centuries. And this is faster than you think, because it does not even exist written on stone or paper. At the latest, when humanity blows itself up, these are just electrons that evaporate in the void. And what are a few decades over the millennia we have been here?"

"Your word in the ear of eternity!" Aziraphale took a deep breath. "But you are right. If I look at the world like that, no one of us will need to initiate the next apocalypse, mortals will do it alone with their environmental destruction, their wars - And those decadent perversions!"

"That's what I think, too, because remember the end of the Roman Empire. At some point, with all the stuff the Romans came up with, so they would not notice their demise, there was no end to blood and games, orgies and drinks."  
The demon grinned from ear to ear.  
"And for so long we enjoy their antics and no longer annoy us, but laugh at the human limitations in some things simply dead!"

This made the angel smile again and then even to blaze. "You're right! Yes, this is how we do it. Let's laugh about it ... and enjoy the things we really like: The true, beautiful and noble in the human mind "

"Yes … yes … but tegarding drinks." Crowley waved his hand demandingly. "Now let's head to the celebration of the day again and behead a few bottles from your wine stocks. In the years before the Apocalypse, it worked wonderfully. Maybe the worse of the Day will look better then and you do not have to be upset anymore ... because in a few months or years the cramp from the internet has already set in virtual dust and is a thing of the past."

Aziraphale nodded. "Thanks a lot ... for bringing me down."

"I like to do that you know. The devil is just in the details. Or in this case: The devil knows the detail." Crowley grinned and now made himself comfortable in the chair after he has received a glass full of wine, holding it up for a moment. "On our friendship and our immortal love!" 

"That's just not how they imagine these miserable mortals!" Erziraphel confirmed it and nudged with a satisfied smile. "After all, we are not human!"

\- - - THE END - - -


End file.
